Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Happy Or Crappy New Year.
Let me wish you all a very belated Happy New Year.
2011 is off to a horrible start for me but it's nothing I can't handle. I guess that's why I haven't really written anything in a few days.
Time to break my silence.
Hi, how is everyone? Hope you're all well and happy.
Attempting to do a daily vlog and blog again starting today.
Much love xx
I Guess This Is Letting Go.
I'm not really the kind of person who loses sleep over things that are bothering me. When it comes time for me to go to bed, I'll be out like a light. I may have a cry or dwell on my issues for ten minutes but then I drift off. Tonight isn't like that. I CAN'T SLEEP. I'm just a pile of nerves. I'm freaking out. Tomorrow is the day.. Tomorrow is a HUGE day.
Tomorrow is the day that I sell my car.
My BMW has always been my dream car. When I was thirteen, it's the car I PRAYED that I could one day own. It's beautiful and I owe a lot of my past happiness to my car. My brother would always tease me about it, but seriously? I don't give a toss. It has ALWAYS lived up to my expectation that I had for my dream car. Even though it cost a LOT of money when it had it's health issues, I didn't care. I'd give up buying clothes, makeup and everything else just to get my baby back on the road. Unfortunately there comes a point where you have to move on. If not now, I'm just leaving it til when I go overseas. Besides - I'm sick of fixing it. I'm sick of getting hassled by the police and I'm sick of people talking sh!t about 'that chick in the black bmw with the rims'.
Tomorrow is the day that I sell my car.
My BMW has always been my dream car. When I was thirteen, it's the car I PRAYED that I could one day own. It's beautiful and I owe a lot of my past happiness to my car. My brother would always tease me about it, but seriously? I don't give a toss. It has ALWAYS lived up to my expectation that I had for my dream car. Even though it cost a LOT of money when it had it's health issues, I didn't care. I'd give up buying clothes, makeup and everything else just to get my baby back on the road. Unfortunately there comes a point where you have to move on. If not now, I'm just leaving it til when I go overseas. Besides - I'm sick of fixing it. I'm sick of getting hassled by the police and I'm sick of people talking sh!t about 'that chick in the black bmw with the rims'.
I have just sent a message to a guy that is selling a navy blue V-Tec Prelude. If he agrees to the price I offered, I should be able to go and buy that car on the weekend. I'm very excited, but I could cry at the thought that I wont have my dream car anymore. I don't know if I'm relieved or devastated that my grandparents bought it. My grandmother has always loved my beemer. She thinks it's total class - and it is. My grandfather is driving here to pick it up tomorrow night.
I haven't driven it for ages but I guess I'm just used of seeing my car sitting in the driveway.
I'll miss being able to run my fingers along the bonnet every time I walk past.
I'll miss wiping the cobwebs off the rims with t-shirts that I'm about to have washed.
I'll miss sitting in it when I know that no-one will notice.
I'll miss the way the interior has smelt the same since the day I bought it - despite the fact that my brother threw up on the passenger seat a few years back.
I'll miss the feeling of being so low that I feel as though I'm sitting on the ground while I'm driving along.
I'll miss doing 170kpm on the freeway, weaving in and out of traffic.
I'll miss the way people still stop and stare, even though it's not a show car.
I'll miss the way I feel walking up to my car in a crowded parking lot.
I'll miss the way it sounds, the way it grips to the road and the absolutely comfort of the seats.
But after all that, the things I'll miss the most are: the fact that the horn gets stuck if you touch it, the air-con being busted, the $2 coin I can never seem to rescue beside my seat, the front right tyre going flat every three days, the foundation stain on the back seat from where my friend rubbed her hands after applying her makeup, the roof touching your head because the lining is sagging down and only have one working speaker because my brother never finished the sound system.
Bring on the water works to get rid of these butterflies in my stomach. Time to sleep.
Tomorrow is a big day.
Tomorrow is the day that my baby grows up and leaves home.
I haven't driven it for ages but I guess I'm just used of seeing my car sitting in the driveway.
I'll miss being able to run my fingers along the bonnet every time I walk past.
I'll miss wiping the cobwebs off the rims with t-shirts that I'm about to have washed.
I'll miss sitting in it when I know that no-one will notice.
I'll miss the way the interior has smelt the same since the day I bought it - despite the fact that my brother threw up on the passenger seat a few years back.
I'll miss the feeling of being so low that I feel as though I'm sitting on the ground while I'm driving along.
I'll miss doing 170kpm on the freeway, weaving in and out of traffic.
I'll miss the way people still stop and stare, even though it's not a show car.
I'll miss the way I feel walking up to my car in a crowded parking lot.
I'll miss the way it sounds, the way it grips to the road and the absolutely comfort of the seats.
But after all that, the things I'll miss the most are: the fact that the horn gets stuck if you touch it, the air-con being busted, the $2 coin I can never seem to rescue beside my seat, the front right tyre going flat every three days, the foundation stain on the back seat from where my friend rubbed her hands after applying her makeup, the roof touching your head because the lining is sagging down and only have one working speaker because my brother never finished the sound system.
Bring on the water works to get rid of these butterflies in my stomach. Time to sleep.
Tomorrow is a big day.
Tomorrow is the day that my baby grows up and leaves home.
Waking Up Blonde.
Today was the first time since I was little that I have woken up with blonde hair. Granted it's still a tad orange but the orange tint made it more beautiful when I opened my eyes this morning.
I opened my eyes (that are no longer brown, but more of a golden yellow) to a glow I've never seen before. It was like staring into the most breath taking sunrise and or the most magnificent sunset.
I woke up happy.
Could it be that the easiest way to cure my ill's was to bleach my hair? I wish I had of known that three years ago, maybe my life would be in a different place right now.
I'm not saying that anyone who is heart broken, depressed, stressed out, lost or having a crisis should go blonde, but it's helped me and I'm not even a proper tone of blonde yet!
In the movies, women always attack their hair to change their lives. Julia Roberts cuts her hair short to reinvent herself after she escapes her abusive husband in the movie Sleeping With The Enemy. Geena Davis cuts and bleaches her hair blonde to regain her assassin identity in the movie The Long Kiss Goodnight. Mulan cuts her hair to disguise herself as a man in the animation Mulan and so on and so forth.
To become new people, let go of the past and start a fresh, all of these women sacrificed their hair in one way or another. Obviously your hair completes changes your appearance but I'd never really appreciated the dramatic effect it can have on your life, not just your looks.
After living as a black head for the last ten years I've come to the conclusion that despite how mysterious, exotic, sexy and sultry it made me feel, it literally clouded my vision. It's dark, unnatural and negative. I felt happier in one minute of staring through a blonde fringe than I can remember being in a very long time.
Just my luck I will look shocking with blonde hair (when it's finally the shade I want) but you know what? I don't care. I'm going to find a way to make it work. I will not go back to black.
Some say that once you go black you never go back. Others say that blonde's have more fun.
I'll have to get back to you on that.
I opened my eyes (that are no longer brown, but more of a golden yellow) to a glow I've never seen before. It was like staring into the most breath taking sunrise and or the most magnificent sunset.
I woke up happy.
Could it be that the easiest way to cure my ill's was to bleach my hair? I wish I had of known that three years ago, maybe my life would be in a different place right now.
I'm not saying that anyone who is heart broken, depressed, stressed out, lost or having a crisis should go blonde, but it's helped me and I'm not even a proper tone of blonde yet!
In the movies, women always attack their hair to change their lives. Julia Roberts cuts her hair short to reinvent herself after she escapes her abusive husband in the movie Sleeping With The Enemy. Geena Davis cuts and bleaches her hair blonde to regain her assassin identity in the movie The Long Kiss Goodnight. Mulan cuts her hair to disguise herself as a man in the animation Mulan and so on and so forth.
To become new people, let go of the past and start a fresh, all of these women sacrificed their hair in one way or another. Obviously your hair completes changes your appearance but I'd never really appreciated the dramatic effect it can have on your life, not just your looks.
After living as a black head for the last ten years I've come to the conclusion that despite how mysterious, exotic, sexy and sultry it made me feel, it literally clouded my vision. It's dark, unnatural and negative. I felt happier in one minute of staring through a blonde fringe than I can remember being in a very long time.
Just my luck I will look shocking with blonde hair (when it's finally the shade I want) but you know what? I don't care. I'm going to find a way to make it work. I will not go back to black.
Some say that once you go black you never go back. Others say that blonde's have more fun.
I'll have to get back to you on that.
Shutting A Door And Opening A Window.
Today when I woke up on the couch, it was just another day in this bad luck house.
I got up, brushed my teeth and got ready for the day, hoping that my hair straightener didn't electrocute me and that I didn't break my leg by tripping over my back step.
I've just read and published Nur, Krissy and DeAnna's comments on my last post and I'm not sure if this is what they meant when they said 'after bad things happen, something good is not far away', but today something good happened. So far so good anyway.
I was out shopping with my mum (in a thrift store of all places) and this guy walks in about two minutes after me and I'm immediately embarrassed because he was a mega piece of HOT tradie a$$. He was walking around in his work jeans that were ripped at the knees and covered in paint. I'm not sure if the few smudges of white paint on his face made him hotter, but I was definitely peeking from behind some clothing racks.
To cut a long story short, I gave him my number. Not like me at all but I finally grew a spine. He had made eye contact with me and smiled continually so I wrote my number on a small piece of paper, walked straight up to him and held my breath when I handed it over. I walked away feeling empowered and confident. It was only thirty seconds and he nudged his head as if to ask me to go out the front and talk to him, so I did.
When I got outside, everything that I thought was random, turned out to be 'his lucky day' - his words, not mine. He told me that he had seen me around (at the local mall I always tell you guys about) and that for three months he has been going there hoping to talk to me and get to know me but I apparently never took any notice of him. When he seen me pull into the car park today with my mum, he did a u-turn, parked next to the rental car I was driving. He went into the store I was in with a 'don't take no for an answer' attitude. There has only ever been one person who sort of stalked me in that way and I ended up dating him for six months lol. Anyway, back to the guy..
Even though I am apprehensive at getting to know a guy who blends into the crowd and just watches me from a far, I was a bit flattered.
I have been having such a shitty time lately thinking about Azad *coughchokecough* sorry, I hate saying his name. I just needed to do something outrageous for once. I know it's time to move on, it was time three years ago but I dunno..
The guys name is Fadi, he's a painter, he's gorgeous and he's Lebanese.
I'll try to wait at least 24 hours before I f it up. Haha.
I got up, brushed my teeth and got ready for the day, hoping that my hair straightener didn't electrocute me and that I didn't break my leg by tripping over my back step.
I've just read and published Nur, Krissy and DeAnna's comments on my last post and I'm not sure if this is what they meant when they said 'after bad things happen, something good is not far away', but today something good happened. So far so good anyway.
I was out shopping with my mum (in a thrift store of all places) and this guy walks in about two minutes after me and I'm immediately embarrassed because he was a mega piece of HOT tradie a$$. He was walking around in his work jeans that were ripped at the knees and covered in paint. I'm not sure if the few smudges of white paint on his face made him hotter, but I was definitely peeking from behind some clothing racks.
To cut a long story short, I gave him my number. Not like me at all but I finally grew a spine. He had made eye contact with me and smiled continually so I wrote my number on a small piece of paper, walked straight up to him and held my breath when I handed it over. I walked away feeling empowered and confident. It was only thirty seconds and he nudged his head as if to ask me to go out the front and talk to him, so I did.
When I got outside, everything that I thought was random, turned out to be 'his lucky day' - his words, not mine. He told me that he had seen me around (at the local mall I always tell you guys about) and that for three months he has been going there hoping to talk to me and get to know me but I apparently never took any notice of him. When he seen me pull into the car park today with my mum, he did a u-turn, parked next to the rental car I was driving. He went into the store I was in with a 'don't take no for an answer' attitude. There has only ever been one person who sort of stalked me in that way and I ended up dating him for six months lol. Anyway, back to the guy..
Even though I am apprehensive at getting to know a guy who blends into the crowd and just watches me from a far, I was a bit flattered.
I have been having such a shitty time lately thinking about Azad *coughchokecough* sorry, I hate saying his name. I just needed to do something outrageous for once. I know it's time to move on, it was time three years ago but I dunno..
The guys name is Fadi, he's a painter, he's gorgeous and he's Lebanese.
I'll try to wait at least 24 hours before I f it up. Haha.
Way To Kick Em While They're Down.
I cannot believe I didn't post a single thing during the day or night yesterday. I posted something after midnight so it counted as yesterdays date but I still feel like I have neglected my baby (my blog).
Speaking of babies, I just reconnected with an old friend over Facebook and she's pregnant.
Yesterday was an emotional rollercoaster for me. If ever I had split personality, it was yesterday. I had a melt down in the morning because of ill fitting clothes (why thankyou bloated belly due to my monthly CURSE), I had a self doubt afternoon and then a painful reminder of my past in the evening around the time of my Facebook visit. I'm happy for her, I was just a bit f**ked up last night. Sometimes I think amnesia would be a blessing.
Now, enough of that and onto my travels yesterday. My brother hired a car so my mum commandeered it. Obviously we went shopping - if you haven't figured that out yet, you need to read my blog entries properly haha. It was harmless grocery shopping at first.. then it turned into a shopping spree. Mostly things for my brother (so he wouldn't be sour we took the car) and because we love him *cough*.
We went into an outlet on Sydney Road and found him a pair of jeans, three tops and a jumper. Mum and I went halvies in the cost and then had a look for ourselves. There wasn't a huge selection in womens clothing but I still managed to buy two pair of 3/4 trackies for $5 each, a Kappa top and a dress. We were walking back to the car and I seen a $6 rack outside a store so we quickly looked through. A fantastic pair of khaki trackies for $6 'Score' I said, it was just too bad they were only in XS. *thumbs down*
I did however find this amazing dress/jacket/top. I say that because I'm not sure of how long it is when it's on (didn't try it on). I might be able to get away with wearing it like a dress when I tone my legs. It reminds me of the dress J-Lo wore in The Back Up Plan at the start of the movie when she left the pregnancy clinic. It looks nothing like that but something about it just inspired me to recreate her outfit. Besides, it was only $6 so I bought it. I got lots of new comfy/sporty lingerie bottoms for when I work out and I was heading to my Berlei bra store and they are closed down ='( DAMN DAMN DAMN. I needed more of those bra's and underwear. I'm gonna have to fish around for another store who sells them at cost price because they are wayyyy too expensive to buy at retail prices.
Speaking of babies, I just reconnected with an old friend over Facebook and she's pregnant.
Yesterday was an emotional rollercoaster for me. If ever I had split personality, it was yesterday. I had a melt down in the morning because of ill fitting clothes (why thankyou bloated belly due to my monthly CURSE), I had a self doubt afternoon and then a painful reminder of my past in the evening around the time of my Facebook visit. I'm happy for her, I was just a bit f**ked up last night. Sometimes I think amnesia would be a blessing.
Now, enough of that and onto my travels yesterday. My brother hired a car so my mum commandeered it. Obviously we went shopping - if you haven't figured that out yet, you need to read my blog entries properly haha. It was harmless grocery shopping at first.. then it turned into a shopping spree. Mostly things for my brother (so he wouldn't be sour we took the car) and because we love him *cough*.
We went into an outlet on Sydney Road and found him a pair of jeans, three tops and a jumper. Mum and I went halvies in the cost and then had a look for ourselves. There wasn't a huge selection in womens clothing but I still managed to buy two pair of 3/4 trackies for $5 each, a Kappa top and a dress. We were walking back to the car and I seen a $6 rack outside a store so we quickly looked through. A fantastic pair of khaki trackies for $6 'Score' I said, it was just too bad they were only in XS. *thumbs down*
I did however find this amazing dress/jacket/top. I say that because I'm not sure of how long it is when it's on (didn't try it on). I might be able to get away with wearing it like a dress when I tone my legs. It reminds me of the dress J-Lo wore in The Back Up Plan at the start of the movie when she left the pregnancy clinic. It looks nothing like that but something about it just inspired me to recreate her outfit. Besides, it was only $6 so I bought it. I got lots of new comfy/sporty lingerie bottoms for when I work out and I was heading to my Berlei bra store and they are closed down ='( DAMN DAMN DAMN. I needed more of those bra's and underwear. I'm gonna have to fish around for another store who sells them at cost price because they are wayyyy too expensive to buy at retail prices.
I'll take photos of what I bought when I find my camera charger, or I'll just vlog it. Either way, I wanna show you this top/dress.
Hope you had a good day yesterday and an even better one today.
Off to go house hunting (for my brother) and then shopping, shopping, shopping.
I'm exhausted just thinking about it.
Hope you had a good day yesterday and an even better one today.
Off to go house hunting (for my brother) and then shopping, shopping, shopping.
I'm exhausted just thinking about it.
Yeah, My Day.
What a day.
I shaved my legs in the morning so that was a smoother start (no pun intended lol), but then I got a text message from my friend telling me that he has found out his girlfriend is cheating on him. I did the right thing and offered him a shoulder to cry on... and he did. As you all know, the last week has been pretty crappy for me and helping him out really took a toll on me. I have the worst stress headache/migraine you can imagine. My brain is pulsating inside my skull.
I just took 2 Nurofen Zavance so hopefully it doesn't last much longer. I stopped on the way home from his house to get some fish and chips but they were closed. I ended up getting chips & gravy and two kebabs for my mum, brother and I to share. The guy who works in the chicken shop is GORGEOUS. More than gorgeous, almost as gorgeous as the guy who works in the barbers shop. At least Mohammed (chicken shop guy) had the guts to talk to me. The hottie from the barbers shop just stares at me from behind the glass window.
He has recently started smiling and purposely moving forward to get a better look but he is still lacking in communication. How disappointing.
What isn't disappointing is the fact that Tuesday has finished my laptop!!! He is going to a friends birthday tonight so I will get my baby back around 10pm. I'll be doing a huge picture post when I see whats left on there.
Hopefully he doesn't give me a doggy bag back with 10 screws that were left over after he installed my new harddrive.
You know my fingers are crossed for what folders I get back.
Please please please please please let them be there.
Peace.
I shaved my legs in the morning so that was a smoother start (no pun intended lol), but then I got a text message from my friend telling me that he has found out his girlfriend is cheating on him. I did the right thing and offered him a shoulder to cry on... and he did. As you all know, the last week has been pretty crappy for me and helping him out really took a toll on me. I have the worst stress headache/migraine you can imagine. My brain is pulsating inside my skull.
I just took 2 Nurofen Zavance so hopefully it doesn't last much longer. I stopped on the way home from his house to get some fish and chips but they were closed. I ended up getting chips & gravy and two kebabs for my mum, brother and I to share. The guy who works in the chicken shop is GORGEOUS. More than gorgeous, almost as gorgeous as the guy who works in the barbers shop. At least Mohammed (chicken shop guy) had the guts to talk to me. The hottie from the barbers shop just stares at me from behind the glass window.
He has recently started smiling and purposely moving forward to get a better look but he is still lacking in communication. How disappointing.
What isn't disappointing is the fact that Tuesday has finished my laptop!!! He is going to a friends birthday tonight so I will get my baby back around 10pm. I'll be doing a huge picture post when I see whats left on there.
Hopefully he doesn't give me a doggy bag back with 10 screws that were left over after he installed my new harddrive.
You know my fingers are crossed for what folders I get back.
Please please please please please let them be there.
Peace.
Should I Take Him Back?
I was going to do a post lastnight about my shopping trip yesterday. It's in drafts and this afternoon if you look on my blog, it will be posted before this entry.
Right now, I just have to have a bit of a sook.
Lastnight at approximately 11.03pm, my MacBook Pro died. It was a sudden and unexpected death. Especially because I have 5 years worth of photos, documents and memories that are now gone forever.. Or are they? My actual hard drive died. I've never backed up my system, never saved copies onto an external harddrive or a usb. I'm screwed.
When it happened I was in shock. I was in the middle of cropping photos for my entry and it just stopped working. Then the three clicks, the screen going white for half an hour, the laptop heating up so much that mum almost burnt her hand when she picked it up.. Then it came, the flashing question mark ontop of a file icon.
FISNGOIJDNGHUIRKNJTHBEDNRFGVOujwenrgouiaenthuioeandmfvderngAENDRHGIAOUNDERFG.
At first I was angry! How could he leave me like that? After all of our time together, after everything we've been through! He faked his own death and just up and left me. After a short stint of anger, the sadness kicked in. I had a bath and cried and cried and cried some more.
All of my photos, all of my friends photos. His photos. I messaged a few friends around 1.30am asking if they were busy this weekend because I just needed a mate. I was depressed. My life for the last 5 years and it's like it was erased, he took it all with him when he left me. The first one to message back was the trusted Tuesday. He said he can fix it, he said he can bring him back to me - all of him, just the way he was. It's not 100% but he is going to try. Mum said not to give up hope.
I'm PRAYING that he can at least recover my files. Not just my photos but the 90,000 fashion, cosmetic and other random pictures I've saved. Even if he cant save all of my Macbook (harddrive may need to be replaced), I'm hoping I will at least get my memories back.
My computer is my life, my diary, my photo album, my everything! Bastard. How dare he screw me over in this way. Not to mention I now have to re-take over 150 photos for my website GOD DAMN IT.
Sorry for the rant but I had to let all of you in on my frustration. Tuesday will be here in a moment to pick up my EX-computer and try to fix his issues... Oh who am I kidding? He isn't my ex, we had a bad fight, he stormed out and left. He will come back. He will come back to me on bended screen joint with his lid wide open and wearing his apple on his surface and I'll fold. I'll give in and take him back. Frigin Macbook. I just cant let him go. There is still something between us. It's not over.
Oh Drew Barrymore, give me strength to beat the shit out of him when he comes back to me instead of crumbling like a school girl and hugging him all day. He needs to know I wont put up with this behaviour any more!
PS - All of my rant was directed at yes, a computer. None of it was directed at Tuesday incase your confused.
PEACE.
Right now, I just have to have a bit of a sook.
Lastnight at approximately 11.03pm, my MacBook Pro died. It was a sudden and unexpected death. Especially because I have 5 years worth of photos, documents and memories that are now gone forever.. Or are they? My actual hard drive died. I've never backed up my system, never saved copies onto an external harddrive or a usb. I'm screwed.
When it happened I was in shock. I was in the middle of cropping photos for my entry and it just stopped working. Then the three clicks, the screen going white for half an hour, the laptop heating up so much that mum almost burnt her hand when she picked it up.. Then it came, the flashing question mark ontop of a file icon.
FISNGOIJDNGHUIRKNJTHBEDNRFGVOujwenrgouiaenthuioeandmfvderngAENDRHGIAOUNDERFG.
At first I was angry! How could he leave me like that? After all of our time together, after everything we've been through! He faked his own death and just up and left me. After a short stint of anger, the sadness kicked in. I had a bath and cried and cried and cried some more.
All of my photos, all of my friends photos. His photos. I messaged a few friends around 1.30am asking if they were busy this weekend because I just needed a mate. I was depressed. My life for the last 5 years and it's like it was erased, he took it all with him when he left me. The first one to message back was the trusted Tuesday. He said he can fix it, he said he can bring him back to me - all of him, just the way he was. It's not 100% but he is going to try. Mum said not to give up hope.
I'm PRAYING that he can at least recover my files. Not just my photos but the 90,000 fashion, cosmetic and other random pictures I've saved. Even if he cant save all of my Macbook (harddrive may need to be replaced), I'm hoping I will at least get my memories back.
My computer is my life, my diary, my photo album, my everything! Bastard. How dare he screw me over in this way. Not to mention I now have to re-take over 150 photos for my website GOD DAMN IT.
Sorry for the rant but I had to let all of you in on my frustration. Tuesday will be here in a moment to pick up my EX-computer and try to fix his issues... Oh who am I kidding? He isn't my ex, we had a bad fight, he stormed out and left. He will come back. He will come back to me on bended screen joint with his lid wide open and wearing his apple on his surface and I'll fold. I'll give in and take him back. Frigin Macbook. I just cant let him go. There is still something between us. It's not over.
Oh Drew Barrymore, give me strength to beat the shit out of him when he comes back to me instead of crumbling like a school girl and hugging him all day. He needs to know I wont put up with this behaviour any more!
PS - All of my rant was directed at yes, a computer. None of it was directed at Tuesday incase your confused.PEACE.
Minus The Barrymore.
It was a 'cutting onions' kind of morning. One of the mornings where your eyes tear up the split second before you even get a chance to open them.
I know this is meant to be an easy going fashion, makeup and other things fun blog but this blog is about me and this is part of me.
Today I was haunted, more than most other days. Not oOo spooky ghost haunted but haunted by that 'what was, what will be, what could of been' haze that can cloud your memories and hopes for the future sometimes. I think it's just my subconscious reminding me that there is only a month left before I move overseas and then things are forever changed. Set in stone.
Whether we like to admit it, we spend our lives searching for 'the one'. That person who completes us. Well, I found it. Him. I am aware of how huge a statement that is to make and I'm sure that most of you are rolling your eyes or thinking I don't know what I'm on about but when I was younger my mum always told me that there are two right people for you in this world.
Two of 'the one'. There is the 'one' that your not right for and the 'one' that your both right for each other. Can you tell by this post and the fact that I'm single which one I found first?
Yeah. Knowing that in her theory there is someone else out there for me, is like rubbing salt in an infected wound. It doesn't make it easier and it sure as hell doesn't relieve any of the emptiness.
It doesn't stop me from crying whenever I hear a certain song, watch a certain movie, wear a certain dress, see a certain photo or pass certain guys in the street. Life is a constant reminder that the one is out there and I have already found him but he let me pass him by. Boy let me tell you, your confidence and self-worth takes a brutal beating when you go through what I went through. There are a lot of circumstances surrounding him that I wont get into but simply put, things could have been different. They should have been different.
I'm just hoping that in the future when I least expect it, my life will be less jagged. On that day I will walk out of my velvet room, down my velvet hall, out the velvet door, onto the velvet path, past the velvet fields under a velvet sky and there 'he' will be. Velvet.
Everything will flow smoothly that day, because it's meant to happen. I'm meant to meet him and it's going to be right next time. He will have lived his life and I will have passed through mine. The roots of this pain will break and new flowers will flourish in the place that was desolate for as long as I can remember. No more beating this dead horse.
Until then, haunted by thorns while hoping for velvet. What if it doesn't happen you ask?
Well, at least thorns are accompanied by roses.
I know this is meant to be an easy going fashion, makeup and other things fun blog but this blog is about me and this is part of me.
Today I was haunted, more than most other days. Not oOo spooky ghost haunted but haunted by that 'what was, what will be, what could of been' haze that can cloud your memories and hopes for the future sometimes. I think it's just my subconscious reminding me that there is only a month left before I move overseas and then things are forever changed. Set in stone.
Whether we like to admit it, we spend our lives searching for 'the one'. That person who completes us. Well, I found it. Him. I am aware of how huge a statement that is to make and I'm sure that most of you are rolling your eyes or thinking I don't know what I'm on about but when I was younger my mum always told me that there are two right people for you in this world.
Two of 'the one'. There is the 'one' that your not right for and the 'one' that your both right for each other. Can you tell by this post and the fact that I'm single which one I found first?
Yeah. Knowing that in her theory there is someone else out there for me, is like rubbing salt in an infected wound. It doesn't make it easier and it sure as hell doesn't relieve any of the emptiness.
It doesn't stop me from crying whenever I hear a certain song, watch a certain movie, wear a certain dress, see a certain photo or pass certain guys in the street. Life is a constant reminder that the one is out there and I have already found him but he let me pass him by. Boy let me tell you, your confidence and self-worth takes a brutal beating when you go through what I went through. There are a lot of circumstances surrounding him that I wont get into but simply put, things could have been different. They should have been different.I'm just hoping that in the future when I least expect it, my life will be less jagged. On that day I will walk out of my velvet room, down my velvet hall, out the velvet door, onto the velvet path, past the velvet fields under a velvet sky and there 'he' will be. Velvet.
Everything will flow smoothly that day, because it's meant to happen. I'm meant to meet him and it's going to be right next time. He will have lived his life and I will have passed through mine. The roots of this pain will break and new flowers will flourish in the place that was desolate for as long as I can remember. No more beating this dead horse.
Until then, haunted by thorns while hoping for velvet. What if it doesn't happen you ask?
Well, at least thorns are accompanied by roses.
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