It was a 'cutting onions' kind of morning. One of the mornings where your eyes tear up the split second before you even get a chance to open them.
I know this is meant to be an easy going fashion, makeup and other things fun blog but this blog is about me and this is part of me.
Today I was haunted, more than most other days. Not oOo spooky ghost haunted but haunted by that 'what was, what will be, what could of been' haze that can cloud your memories and hopes for the future sometimes. I think it's just my subconscious reminding me that there is only a month left before I move overseas and then things are forever changed. Set in stone.
Whether we like to admit it, we spend our lives searching for 'the one'. That person who completes us. Well, I found it. Him. I am aware of how huge a statement that is to make and I'm sure that most of you are rolling your eyes or thinking I don't know what I'm on about but when I was younger my mum always told me that there are two right people for you in this world.
Two of 'the one'. There is the 'one' that your not right for and the 'one' that your both right for each other. Can you tell by this post and the fact that I'm single which one I found first?
Yeah. Knowing that in her theory there is someone else out there for me, is like rubbing salt in an infected wound. It doesn't make it easier and it sure as hell doesn't relieve any of the emptiness. It doesn't stop me from crying whenever I hear a certain song, watch a certain movie, wear a certain dress, see a certain photo or pass certain guys in the street. Life is a constant reminder that the one is out there and I have already found him but he let me pass him by. Boy let me tell you, your confidence and self-worth takes a brutal beating when you go through what I went through. There are a lot of circumstances surrounding him that I wont get into but simply put, things could have been different. They should have been different.
I'm just hoping that in the future when I least expect it, my life will be less jagged. On that day I will walk out of my velvet room, down my velvet hall, out the velvet door, onto the velvet path, past the velvet fields under a velvet sky and there 'he' will be. Velvet.
Everything will flow smoothly that day, because it's meant to happen. I'm meant to meet him and it's going to be right next time. He will have lived his life and I will have passed through mine. The roots of this pain will break and new flowers will flourish in the place that was desolate for as long as I can remember. No more beating this dead horse.
Until then, haunted by thorns while hoping for velvet. What if it doesn't happen you ask?
Well, at least thorns are accompanied by roses.