I Guess This Is Letting Go.

I'm not really the kind of person who loses sleep over things that are bothering me. When it comes time for me to go to bed, I'll be out like a light. I may have a cry or dwell on my issues for ten minutes but then I drift off. Tonight isn't like that. I CAN'T SLEEP. I'm just a pile of nerves. I'm freaking out. Tomorrow is the day.. Tomorrow is a HUGE day.

Tomorrow is the day that I sell my car.

My BMW has always been my dream car. When I was thirteen, it's the car I PRAYED that I could one day own. It's beautiful and I owe a lot of my past happiness to my car. My brother would always tease me about it, but seriously? I don't give a toss. It has ALWAYS lived up to my expectation that I had for my dream car. Even though it cost a LOT of money when it had it's health issues, I didn't care. I'd give up buying clothes, makeup and everything else just to get my baby back on the road. Unfortunately there comes a point where you have to move on. If not now, I'm just leaving it til when I go overseas. Besides - I'm sick of fixing it. I'm sick of getting hassled by the police and I'm sick of people talking sh!t about 'that chick in the black bmw with the rims'.

I have just sent a message to a guy that is selling a navy blue V-Tec Prelude. If he agrees to the price I offered, I should be able to go and buy that car on the weekend. I'm very excited, but I could cry at the thought that I wont have my dream car anymore. I don't know if I'm relieved or devastated that my grandparents bought it. My grandmother has always loved my beemer. She thinks it's total class - and it is. My grandfather is driving here to pick it up tomorrow night.

I haven't driven it for ages but I guess I'm just used of seeing my car sitting in the driveway.

I'll miss being able to run my fingers along the bonnet every time I walk past.
I'll miss wiping the cobwebs off the rims with t-shirts that I'm about to have washed.
I'll miss sitting in it when I know that no-one will notice.
I'll miss the way the interior has smelt the same since the day I bought it - despite the fact that my brother threw up on the passenger seat a few years back.
I'll miss the feeling of being so low that I feel as though I'm sitting on the ground while I'm driving along.
I'll miss doing 170kpm on the freeway, weaving in and out of traffic.
I'll miss the way people still stop and stare, even though it's not a show car.
I'll miss the way I feel walking up to my car in a crowded parking lot.
I'll miss the way it sounds, the way it grips to the road and the absolutely comfort of the seats.

But after all that, the things I'll miss the most are: the fact that the horn gets stuck if you touch it, the air-con being busted, the $2 coin I can never seem to rescue beside my seat, the front right tyre going flat every three days, the foundation stain on the back seat from where my friend rubbed her hands after applying her makeup, the roof touching your head because the lining is sagging down and only have one working speaker because my brother never finished the sound system.

Bring on the water works to get rid of these butterflies in my stomach. Time to sleep.

Tomorrow is a big day.

Tomorrow is the day that my baby grows up and leaves home.

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