What do I have to do to get my brain and my heart on the same page?
My heart has always ruled my brain. I'm stupid when I'm in love. I'm the first to admit it and I'm never afraid to admit it. Whether it be friends, family, pets or him - stupid.
I've never been so confident as I am today. I've finally come to a point where I can move on with my life! I think. I can actually say his name in my mind 20 times without shedding a single tear. It's amazing. Some songs don't hurt so much, some songs still hurt too much but I can actually say his name out loud without the crippling heartache that usually follows. It's fantastic. I want to dance and skip and scream his name with relief rather than despair. All of this thanks to my brain - way to make a comeback, don't you think? Yeah, you show that heart who's boss. It only took you 23 years to grow some **cough**.
I guess my brain just wants something new to think about for once. Less to worry about, more to be excited over. Maybe my mind has come to terms with the fact that it will never be what I want it to be. Thus giving me a kick in the ass, heart and mind to pull myself out of it.
I realized all of this yesterday when I looked in my facebook inbox, seen his girlfriends name (from when she messaged me a week go). I didn't get butterflies in my stomach, a sting in my eye or the need to close my laptop lid. I just went about doing what I had to do.
It was liberating, I guess is a way of putting it.
Meanwhile, a little further down south.. My heart was hatching it's evil plan to attack me while I couldn't control it. My sleep was horrible, to say the LEAST.
I woke up, said 'I f%&cking hate my brain' I should have said heart but my brain should be controlling my subconscious by now. I know my heart is out to get me but my brain needs to step up to the plate. I wiped away the one tear under my eye, pulled it together then my brain finally kicked in and told me to let it go.
I am pleased to be writing to you with a smile, although taking shallow breaths (I don't wanna push my luck) and helping my mum set up her very own blog.
It will never be as true from my blog as it is today, when I say - PEACE.