I am the type of person who gets incredibly involved in movies, even tv shows. I can fall in love with a character I'm watching and for the duration of that movie, he would be IT - the one I would forever measure every man against. I don't know if it's the dreamer in me, the damaged part of me or the soppy romantic in me but I fall in love every week.. and it lasts as long as 3 hours - if I'm lucky. I can always go back and press replay, but it's never the same the second time around. I think that's why television shows have more of a pay off for me. It's 22 episodes a year for 5 odd years of my life. That's 104 hours of being in love with Dean Winchester, with no heart break, no stress that he won't call and no regrets two years later when I realize I should have moved on with my life. For those 104 hours, I've watched him kick ass, take his shirt off, cry, smile, lose his temper, laugh, eat, goof around and generally make me happy. It's the ultimate safe relationship in the most pathetic, twisted and warped way of thinking.
In reality Jensen Ackles is happily married. In reality, I'm mostly-happily single.
I think every woman has watched at least one movie in her life that made her take a step back and think 'that's what I want in a man' and there is nothing wrong with that. The men in movies, the men in books and the men in tv shows ARE characters but where does that inspiration come from? It had to come from someones real life experiences. At one point in time there had to be a fairy tale. There was a fairy tale. I know it.
Once upon a time there was a millionaire who fell in love with a hooker, a pair of teenagers from rival families, a peasant girl who fell in love with a prince and an older woman who married a younger man. There are people living true life love stories every single day and we are so stuck in our own reality that we think it is just something that happens in movies, books or television shows. Some women wait a lifetime to find their Mr Darcy, Romeo, Prince Charming or Jack Dawson.
You may ask me what bought all of this on? Let me get it straight right now that I am not depressed, not currently lonely and not drinking a bottle of wine and eating a tub of ice cream. I'm just thinking.
I have always been so rushed to fall in love, get married and have children. I'm the kind of person who doesn't want to live the rest of my life alone, but doesn't want to settle because of it.
I'm not sure if it's because I come from a single parent family, because my dad was so utterly pathetic or if it's because of him, but I'd like something more.. I'd like the tortured heart, the assassin, the poet, the cop, the gang member, the older man, the boy toy, the husband, the Spanish lover, the Canadian hockey player, the guy who knows me before I even speak, the mysterious guy, the guy who lays it all out on the table, the confident, damaged and carefree soul.. And because of that fact, I've always seen myself getting married multiple times or never at all. I'm always thinking that no-one will live up to all of those things. That no-one will keep me intrigued, excited, mesmerized and entertained for the rest of my life.
I want something spectacular. Something I thought I'd only have in my dreams. I want a story.
I guess for some of us, holding out for your story is where your story really begins..