Last Sunday 'Richard Gere' and I went on our first date.
He didn't outright call it a date. He just said that he needed to go to G Star to buy his niece a pair of jeans for her 15th birthday and would I like to come along. After I said yes, he told me that he was planning to take me for lunch and shopping for myself as well.
When I was getting ready I was all over the place. My fake tan was coming off in areas that I couldn't hide like my forearms and the front of my legs (my shins).
I had this gorgeous full body tan and then a big patch of skin about 2 or 3 shades lighter than my tan just sitting there staring at me. It definitely looked like I had a skin disease where you lose pigmentation.
Just my luck it wasn't cold enough to wear pants and a long sleeve top so I decided that the upper body was more important to cover and my legs wouldn't be as likely to be seen by him and everyone else walking past me.
After lunch we went outside to get some fresh air and he cornered me with the question all girls with a dodgy spray tan dread:
"I don't wanna be rude and I don't want you to be shy but why do you paint yourself?"
I paused for a moment and then it hit me. "Ahhh, you mean why did I get a spray tan?" I replied.
"Yes, your skin is so nice usually but now you can see that it's coming off and it's obvious that it's fake." He so observantly remarked.
I then went on to tell him that Aaliya is learning to spray tan and I volunteered to be her model just to help her out. Which was a total load of bullshit mind you, but what else was I meant to say? Was I meant to admit that I'm usually lilly white under these clothes and that I wanted to look like a European goddess with an all year round glow? Was I meant to tell him that my cellulite isn't as bad when it's tanned? Or maybe that the stretch marks on my hips aren't half as visible when I wear a cut off singlet if they are 'painted' over?
A split second decision and some good bluffing on my behalf made something awkward into something plausible.
Sometimes a lie is way better than the truth - for both parties.
This photo was before I completely blended in my blush - as you can tell.