A Flaming Mess.

Don't you just hate guys who never call? What about guys who call too much? Well I currently have both. I have one that I really like, that never calls me and one that I could have really liked, until he started calling me every five minutes.

I think it's an impossible task to find the happy medium. Ideally I'd like a man to call or text me once or twice a day just to say hi and see how my day is going. Maybe then he would even make it a habit to send a good morning and goodnight message.

That is how this story started. I'd had four days of waking up to a good morning message - which I liked and was hoping that I could get use to it. He would even throw in a short message at lunchtime just to say hi and update me on his day and then a message at night to say that he hoped I had a good day.

After four spectacular texting days, I went on a date with the guy. It wasn't even twenty minutes before he became Mr Hands On and not in the way your thinking! There I was trying to watch a movie while he was trying to hold my hand, squeeze my cheek, poke my nose, touch my hair and then JUST as I'm about to LOSE IT, he grabs me by the shoulders (trying to turn me towards him) and says "Look at me." He wanted to kiss me and I was like WOAHHHHH NELLY. By that point I was so pissed off, annoyed and aggravated that I would have preferred to have gotten food poisoning. I tried to hide my contempt when I said "No, I'm watching the movie."

The physical attraction I felt for him before the movie had started was gone after the third time he tried to jokingly cover my eyes because the actors were kissing. I hate guys who niggle at your during a movie. My friend Bertie Beetle tried that shit once and I turned to him and said "Shut the f*ck up. I just paid $27 for us to watch this frigin movie, SO WATCH IT."

For all you good girls and boys, I'm sorry but I often drop the F bomb. It's my worst habit.

Anyway, back to Bachelor Number Two.. It wasn't long until I stood up and said that I wanted him to take me home. I had hit my threshold for teenage bullshit. He is TWENTY-FOUR years old and was acting like he's twelve. What a waste of a physically superb specimen. Two days, 57 missed calls and 39 unread text messages later and I've had it up to HERE.

Meanwhile, a few streets away lives the total opposite. He is GORGEOUS beyond belief and said he wanted me to be his and only his. As soon as I told him I didn't want anyone else either, he stopped calling.

What is it about the chase that peaks so many guys interest? They want what they can't have yet they complain and hold it against you as soon as you play hard to get. THEN as soon as you give in and stop all the games, POOF - they disappear. It's like a magic trick, except instead of being amazed and dazzled, I'm left confused and squeamish.

After two days of ignoring calls from Bachelor Number Two and waiting for calls from Bachelor Number One, I put my mobile phone on silent and made a conscious decision to ignore them all. Today when I checked my phone I had messages and missed calls from THREE guys I use to date.

Maybe that is my answer? I know I'm leaving the country soon so maybe I should stick to my old flames, rather than trying to light a new fire.